Bizarre Request

Alun Life 1 Comment ,

We con­tac­ted you because we believe your accom­plish­ments to be of sig­ni­fic­ant ref­er­ence value

Mar­quis Who’s Who

I’m a post-grad in the second year of his PhD with no pub­lic­a­tions yet. Obvi­ously they must know this. A pub­lic­a­tion this pres­ti­gi­ous isn’t the res­ult of just any­one being invited is it? I assume my role is to be the baseline.

For those of you who don’t want to pay $500 for a copy, here’s my entry. I’m not sure if it’ll make the final cut. Obvi­ously with iden­tity theft being such a prob­lem one or two entries aren’t entirely accurate.

[Name] Salt, Alun Danger;
[Occu­pa­tion] Stu­dent;
[Retired] Not Retired;
[Gender] Male;

[Vital Stat­ist­ics] United King­dom, Birth­d­ate (will be pub­lished) Dec. 25, 1971;
[Par­ents] [Mar­riage] Mar­ried My Work, Dec. 25, 1971 ;
[Chil­dren] Long Hours; Low Pay;
[Edu­ca­tion] CSE Home Eco­nom­ics (Failed), Grange Hill, Lon­don, 1981 — 1987;
[Pro­fes­sional Cer­ti­fic­a­tions] Driv­ing Licence (Other), DVLA, 2004;
[Career] Temp. Fil­ing Clerk, Vari­ous Organ­isa­tions, Vari­ous Places, United King­dom, 1987–2004, (Not cur­rent);
[Career-related] [Writ­ings and cre­at­ive works] Author, Bio­graph­ical Form, What kind of eejit tells a post-grad stu­dent his accom­plish­ments are of sig­ni­fic­ant ref­er­ence value?, 2005–2005, No award, but a reward, a small sense of juven­ile glee, even though this entry will be cut.;
[Achieve­ments] Dis­cov­ery, Amer­ica, 2005, though I con­cede I may not be the first per­son to have dis­covered Amer­ica.;
[Civic and polit­ical activ­it­ies] Civic, National, Con­cerned Cit­izen, The Elect­or­ate, United King­dom, 1989–2006;
[Mil­it­ary] [Awards, Hon­ors, Grants] Award(s) Prizes, 1st Prize in a raffle, Awar­ded by Mark Thomas of “Com­edy Product” fame., 2005;
[Pro­fes­sional and club Mem­ber­ship] Life Mem­ber, Den­nis the Men­ace Fan Club, Club;
[Polit­ical affil­i­ation] [Reli­gion] I often pray for a tea break;
[Avoca­tions] Sky-diving; Cav­ing; Lion-taming; Astro­naut­ics; Answer­ing bizarre junk mail;
[Home address] [Office address] (mail­ing address) (will not be pub­lished) Yup, you’re right there;

One Comment

  1. Athena

    Ah yes, quick one about this. My brother is study­ing music in Edin­burgh and is a good com­poser who is gain­ing a very good repu­ta­tion. As he was becom­ing more well known, he received some­thing sim­ilar to this, ask­ing him to fork out money to join the who’s who. Fork­ing out more money will get you a pretty sash [this caused much mirth at home], a pretty brass plaque and all sorts of accessor­ies cel­eb­rat­ing your achieve­ments. The flyer made a lovely paper aeroplane.

    Reply

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