Black teenager Cameron Day was today found “youthful and foolish” in a trial following allegations of possessing Class-A drugs. Mr Day, an unemployed man from Brixton sought to clear the air on the steps of the Old Bailey:
“I’m gratified to find that the court accepted my plea that this was a private matter and that the intrusion into what was a personal affair was utterly unwarranted. I now plan to return to my family and would ask the media to respect my privacy.”
Mr Day refused to clarify allegations that he had experimented with drugs whilst temporarily a janitor at Eton.
“It is a matter of record that I was briefly at Eton, where I had a normal Eton experience. This is completely irrelevant to the important issue of what I plan to do about the drugs problem should I
become Prime MinisterDJ at the Ministry of Sound. Further like any other working class man I reserve the right to become leader of a poltical party at some time in the future and thus have a right to a private life before I do so.”
Prominent MPs have all rallied to Mr Day’s offence. Mr Corkscrew, the Member of Parliament for Amalgamated Holdings plc said:
“Whether or not Mr Cameron Day has taken drugs is not the issue. In twenty-five years time it will have happened twenty-five years ago. It is vital that Mr Day be allowed to maintain the fiction he has made no mistakes, rather than state that those mistakes have given him the experience to make more informed decisions on important issues.”