“Come listen!” Said an aged man,
“I have a tale to tell.
I shall reveal as best I can,
research I’ve done so well.
I’ve told the world, I’m sure it will,
without a doubt astound.
the public who’ll applaud my skill,
and great new Thing I’ve found”
“I found it whilst pondering,
upon a slice of brie,
The energy you’re squandering
can lead to stagnant qi,
But what food will invigorate?
Man has sought the answer.
This Thing can brook no public wait,
for it can cure cancer!”
Alas just what he loudly claimed,
I could not truly find.
still he continued unashamed,
With no test double-blind,
nor publication, ‘facts’ fall flat,
How could we know it’s true?
“Fie!” he replied, “Who cares for that?
It’s wonderful and new!”
“It combats Global Warming so,
it’s green I can attest
and leaking no atomic glow!
Safe Power! You can rest
assured I do this not for dosh,
My motive’s idealistic,
immune to science it’s not tosh,
it’s simply too holistic.”
I sifted through a paper hill
while looking for the facts,
A mountain high I searched but still,
his research left no tracks.
I asked was there outside his head
evidence could he bring?
To no reply. He only said,
“Hey! look at my new Thing!”
“It’s aligned to the Pleaides,
and I resent you ask
how it paid for my Mercedes.
I undertook this task
to find the TRUTH, it’s in my book,
one million copies sold,
The royalties don’t matter, look -
this Thing turns lead to gold!”
His measurements were anecdotes,
his choices were eclectic.
To push the tale the he promotes?
He was apoplectic.
“You can’t criticise my work!
It’s not been published yet.
It’s folk like you drive me berserk!
Your scoffing you’ll regret.”
“It has been published,” I replied,
which stopped him in his tracks.
“The detail’s here – which you supplied,
but it omits the facts,
Without the facts please don’t get pissed
off when your claim’s rejected.
You published through a journalist
It’s your fate you selected.”
Every so often I’m asked about things where there’s plainly not enough information to form much of a judgement. Often basic questions are overlooked, and once or twice when I’ve asked them people have got irritated. Basically I’ve decided that if someone thinks research is complete enough to be given a press release then it’s fair game for critique. It’s not like I’ve forced them to embark on a press campaign.
Incidentally check out Digital Cuttlefish’s Keep an Open Mind, which is similar in theme but much better in quality.
