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I don’t know about you but I’ve been absolutely riveted by the recent release of records from a break-in at the White Star line. No really, it’s not just a stream of bilge from people who may not be experts but reckon something. Frankly I can’t get enough of hearing about the same claim that one memo by one of the workers on the Titanic project clearly confirms the ship was ‘unsinkable’. This should finally put to rest the biggest hoax of the 20th century, that the Titanic sunk in the North Atlantic. Still there’s always someone who isn’t going to find a bit of a memo quoted out-of-context convincing so it’s worth recapping the clear evidence that the ‘sinking’ of the Titanic is a scam.

1) The data is contradictory

The officers of the Titanic claimed it went down in one piece, yet some passengers clearly saw it break up on the surface. How could this be? Either the ship broke or it didn’t. Obviously someone forgot to check everyone had their facts straight. If there’s disagreement on this one point then that’s enough to throw the whole sinking into doubt. This piece of evidence alone should be enough to convince you that the ship didn’t sink and arrived safely at New York, but there’s more.

2) The models don’t work

Sure, physicists will try and tell you that iron sinks in water. They can even try and claim they can tell you roughly how long it would take for the Titanic to reach the sea bed. But look closely at the details and the models fall apart. Can they explain how the ship is lying the way it is? Can they exactly explain the corrosion of the hull? The details of the currents through the shipwreck? The various models may all agree on the broad pattern, but disagreements over the small details show the entire basis of these models is flawed. If a physicist says that’s mad, look him in the eye and remind him Gravity is only a theory.

3) Ice is a natural part of the ocean

Some people will try and tell you that icebergs are bad things to have in shipping lanes. Really. It’s like they’ve never seen the sea. Ice is what you get in the North Atlantic. It’s perfectly natural. In fact there’s nothing that could possibly be bad about ice. As any chemist will tell you ice is H2O. Water is H2O. So really this is all about ‘scientists’ finding water in the ocean. Pwned!

4) The QE2 crossed the Atlantic without sinking

In fact there’s evidence that several ships have crossed the Atlantic, which mars the claim that ships sink in the ocean. Yes someone will always try and tell you that an entirely different ship on an entirely different course will have a different result. But I deal with facts, not baseless speculation.

5) Natural detritus far outweighs man-made wreckage

The bottom of the sea is a messy place. Whales die there and their skeletons become home for all sorts of stuff. Have you seen a whale? They’re huge, especially the huge ones. Imagine one of those possibly killed by one of those stealth CO2 emitting volcanoes that no-one’s found yet. Yet amongst all this there’s supposed to be a ‘shipwreck’. Against the vast majesty of nature, isn’t a tiny bit arrogant to assume that man could do anything noticeable on the sea-bed?

6) There’s nowhere the ‘iceberg’ could come from

Another thing is that there’s no ice in the Atlantic ocean. This is a fact. As Dr Fox would say it might not be true, but it is a fact. Sure western scientists will tell you there’s an ice cap in the north, but this is demonstrably false. Look at the independent evidence. A Chinese naval expedition found no ice at the north pole. No ice cap means no icebergs. No icebergs means no sinking.

7) Oceanographers need the Titanic to justify their huge grants

You’ve probably never been to an Oceanography department on campus. Have you ever seen a ‘scientist’ turn up in a Ferrari? No? That shows you how well hidden many of these departments are. They are massively rich from all the funding gouged out of the taxpayer in the form of ‘shipping regulations’ because of the supposed Titanic sinking. What do you think would happen to these departments if it wasn’t for the Titanic? Think they’d spend their time researching another interesting problem? Not a chance. Oceanography=Titanic and that’s that. Don’t forget all that grant money, it’s money in the pocket. It wouldn’t, for example, be used to fund a research project with 10 staff and a further 12 postgrads.

…and if that’s not enough then some of these researchers into the Titanic who’ve been a bit mean about us in their memos. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t be put off by a systematic politically-motivated campaign by a bunch of nutters free-market entrepreneurs.

I think that’s all pretty conclusive. You can take these arguments, mangle them and denounce anyone who supports the ‘Titanic Sinking Swindle’ as a corrupt liar who should be up on criminal charges. If anyone responds by saying your evidence is ludicrous or you use long debunked arguments then denounce that as an ad hominem attack. Follow that up with a sage pronouncement that there’s no place for that kind of smear in science.

Apparently not only do you have the right to an opinion, you also have the right to be taken seriously even if you’re making a career from being ignorant, mistaken or just downright barking.